One Thing Momma Didn’t Tell Us: Why Do We Ignore Red Flags?

If you’ve ever looked back at a relationship and wondered, “Why didn’t I see it sooner?” you’re not alone. 

The truth is, most red flags aren’t hidden. In fact, many of them wave right in front of us. The problem is that when feelings become involved, logic often takes a back seat. 

We’ve all heard stories from friends and family who stayed in relationships longer than they should have. Sometimes we shake our heads and wonder what they were thinking. Then one day, we find ourselves making excuses for behavior we once said we’d never tolerate. 

Why does this happen? 

Sometimes it’s because we see potential instead of reality. 

Sometimes it’s because we believe people will change. 

And sometimes it’s because we don’t want to start over. 

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that a red flag doesn’t always mean someone is a bad person. It simply means there is something that deserves your attention before you become more emotionally invested. 

Maybe they constantly cancel plans. Maybe they struggle with honesty. Maybe they avoid accountability and blame everyone else for their problems. Maybe they only show up when it’s convenient for them. The question isn’t whether the red flags exist. The question is whether we’re willing to acknowledge them. As women, especially, many of us were raised to be understanding, forgiving, and patient. Those qualities are valuable, but they can also cause us to overlook behaviors that eventually become major issues. What if the signs you’re seeing today are exactly who that person is? What if you’re not being asked to fix them, but simply decide whether that’s something you can live with? Before dismissing those uncomfortable feelings, ask yourself: • Am I accepting behavior that I would advise my child or best friend to avoid? 

• Am I in love with the person they are today, or the person I hope they become? 
• Do I feel respected, valued, and appreciated? 
• Am I constantly making excuses for their actions? 
• If nothing changed, would I still want this relationship five years from now? 

Those questions can be difficult to answer honestly. 

Sometimes the answers reveal things we don’t want to admit. But growth often begins with honesty. 

One Thing Momma Didn’t Tell Us is that love alone doesn’t solve everything. Healthy relationships require trust, respect, communication, accountability, and effort from both people. Ignoring red flags doesn’t make them disappear. It simply delays the moment we have to face them. 

📌 A Penny for my thoughts:

“One thing I’ve learned is that red flags aren’t always hidden. Sometimes we see them clearly but convince ourselves they’ll disappear. The real question is whether we’re listening to what people show us or only believing what we hope they’ll become.”

What do you think?

1. Have you ever ignored a red flag?
2. What warning sign do people overlook most often?
3. Can people truly change, or do we ignore who they really are?

For more thought-provoking relationship discussions, life lessons, and self-reflection exercises, check out my book, One Thing Momma Didn’t Tell Us – You Live, Love & Learn. 1 Thing Momma Didn't Tell Us!: You Live, Love & Learn.

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TIPS: Be the Person You Want to Find: Love, Relationships, Dating!

Be the Person You Want to Find!

Let's get straight to the point, would you... date you?

We hear it all the time "I am looking for the perfect man or woman" or "He or she is just not good enough" but why should we demand qualities and physical attributes in a significant other that we don’t possess ourselves.

Women specifically are known to have a long list and check it twice when they enter into new relationships. This is a list we have had from the time we were teenagers. As we got older we continued to add or subtract from our equation of what makes up the perfect man, but I wonder if we look at ourselves and compare what we have to what is written on our list.

Come on guys! you can’t look for a perfect 10 when you are an 8.5. The saying that you should always look for someone to compliment you and not complete you holds true. When you have yourself together, a person who shares your same qualities will take notice of you because, of all the great things they see within them... in you. 
For example; you can’t want a mate who is intellectually sound when you can’t remember the last time you opened a book or viewed an educational program. You can’t want a mate who is spiritually strong when you can’t remember the last time you prayed, walked through a church door, or opened your bible. You especially can’t demand that a mate be physically fit when the only time you exercise is when you walk to the nearest subway.

What I am saying is before you critique anyone else’s shortcomings, you must first look in the mirror and ask yourself if you are able to offer everything for which you are asking. A mate should always be an option and not a necessity. Time invested in bettering yourself is priceless. Time invested in analyzing someone else’s flaws is a waste.

Love is something that most people want to experience, but love of self should always be the ultimate goal. Being confident in who you are and knowing that you have a lot to bring to the table will always attract others who have the same characteristics. A hypocrite is something that no one wants to be labeled, especially when it comes to what we demand versus what we can give in a relationship.

Instead of making a list for an ideal man or woman, make a list of what you feel the ideal mate should be and make sure you fit the profile before critiquing someone else. Never require what you can’t give in return.

Makes sense? I think so.

RID UNWANTED HAIR

Women just like men have hair growth in the face, though the hair is not as coarse. 
Unwanted excess hair can be a bit unappealing when it grows in between the eyebrows, in the eyebrows, chin, upper lip, and sideburns.
 

Doctors say the #1 cause of facial hair growth in women is due to hormonal imbalance and is very common in women who are overweight. Other reasons are due to a person's physical characteristics, ancestry and genetics which also plays a role.

The good news is, there are several methods for facial hair removal for women. 

For a temporary technique, many opt for waxing or tweezing, while for something more permanent, laser hair removal is the option.

Waxing

This is a quick and effective – yet painful – way to get a smooth-looking face. But again, some women react to this technique better than others, so be sure to try a test spot before waxing the facial area. You can find a few skin care products that are meant to soothe skin post-waxing.
 

Tweezing

Some women choose to tweeze unwanted hairs, but this isn't an ideal solution because repeated plucking can cause irritation of the hair follicle and, on darker-skinned women, may result in scarring. Also, hair will grow back thicker and stiffer once it's plucked. Unless you have just a few stray hairs that occasionally pop up, avoid tweezing unwanted hair.

Laser hair removal 

This is a popular hair removal procedure. The ideal candidate for laser work has fair skin and dark hair, but darker-skinned women can have good results with an experienced laser practitioner. Overall, laser hair removal is not very effective on light blonde or white hair.
Before you begin laser treatment, you should consult a dermatologist to determine if you are a good candidate. 

 
Electrolysis
 

Electrolysis has the best overall results, versus any other method, in ridding hair for long periods of time- or even permanently. Many different hair and skin types can benefit from it; because it doesn't target hair pigment (color) like laser, but attacks the follicle itself. 

People that aren't good candidates for laser can still get electrolysis. 

Like everything else is has it's cons like previous waxing or tweezing can make hair follicles bent or misshapen, and getting the needle to the root more difficult to destroy the follicle. Sometimes multiple treatments are necessary, which can be time consuming. Electrolysis can also cause skin discoloration if not done properly.

🖊 
It is important to examine all methods and see which works best for you.  

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